The last couple of weeks have been a bit of a roller-coaster here. Lots of emotions have been dealt with, both kids have been unwell, a long weekend of travel embarked on, family dramas and with all that a LOT of tiredness and everything which comes with that!
For me, my way of coping and keeping on moving is to resort to my ‘security blanket’ (AKA Food). So as I was beginning to berate myself for eating all manner of things at all manner of times and generally for ‘self sabotage’ behaviours I remembered a saying I heard a while back. “What we see as self sabotage is actually misguided love’. Now before your scepticism sets in I’ll explain a little.
The (scary) truth is that we don’t continue to do something unless we are benefiting in some way – all of us! This may be hard to swallow however in my overeating and eating foods which I know will cause me pain in the long term I am also getting the instant gratification of having a treat or even (most usually) it keeps me busy so I don’t have time to think about how tired I am or all the things I need to deal with. I’m benefiting and getting something out of those seemingly unwanted behaviours, in short eating when I’m tired and/or stressed gives me comfort through avoidance. In my quest to feel ‘better’ I use whatever means I can and usually the ones that were programmed in a long time ago, as in stress we usually revert to old patterns.
Now my logical brain knows that my actions don’t actually make me feel ‘better’ in the long run however in the here and now those actions are hitting the spot, even if only for a few brief moments. Introducing the misguided self love 🙂 So my aim through these weeks while I get back to healthy eating is to acknowledge that my actions are trying to bring me ‘help’, rather than making myself feel worse by questioning why I am so bad at eating well in times of stress. Man, it is HARD!! Years of doing the ‘hard talk’ feels impossible to let go of most days however I’m hoping that if I begin to treat myself with a little more respect and kindness by accepting that my actions are intended (however misguided they may be) to help then I may just be able to move on faster.
Hope this finds you loving yourself and being kind to yourself regardless of what the day brings and how hard it may seem.