Keeping on going

Every December or January I write down 108 things that I want to achieve for the upcoming year. It isn’t a hard and fast list that I must complete but rather a visual reminder of where I want to head and what I’d like to do on the way. Some of it is pretty basic stuff; write a letter to a friend, read a book, go to the movies or visit a loved one. Then there are others that are more work orientated such as combining all my mini e-guides into one book, writing our family history stories and creating online courses from my workshops. The later are the ones that ‘nag’ at me the most, the ones I feel guilt over when they sit in my list for more than a year, usually while actively procrastinating.

I have loads of ideas for projects swimming around in my brain and it is hard not to have more than one on the go at once. I really admire those ‘wood pecker’ people who can just get stuck into one project and complete it before moving on. Honestly though I am more of a ‘hummingbird’ when it comes to activities. I have multiple ‘projects’ going, flitting from one to another, making them all drawn out. Each day I aim to do a little on each of my projects and interests in the hope that they will come off my list. It also helps me feel like I have been productive and a lot more positive. They are little steps I know but they are all moving me towards my goals and even though it means they aren’t being achieved quite as quickly as I would like I tell myself I am building consistency.

This is all well and good when I’m in a routine at home and have the day to structure how I like. The kicker comes when we need to be out and about or away. It doesn’t take much to distract this little hummingbird! I quickly get out of the swing of taking productive action each day, whether that be eating well, exercising or working on projects, and invariably items get dropped. I enjoy the change in scenery for sure however then I find it really hard to great back into taking action and making decisions which align with what I want vs what is the path of least resistance. After a few days I can feel my mood head south, doubt creeps in. Am I doing enough? Am I enough? Will I ever actually finish what I want to do? Am I doing anything of value?

Sticking to your path can be tricky sometimes

It can be hard when this happens and harder still to re-frame my thoughts towards getting ‘back on track’. The pull of sliding into the wallow is great and the discomfort of taking positive action to create change never fails to surprise me. Over the years though the realization that ultimately I feel better when I am exercising, eating right, meditating and working towards where I want to be (a healthy, relaxed and happy person) helps me to make the changes I need to get back to my daily little steps. I notice too that over time I am faster and faster at getting back on track after I’m ‘way laid’. I still have off days where all I want to do is ‘veg’ and procrastinate however I’m now I tend to just let them visit and enjoy them as I know that they won’t be here forever. I’m more confident that a return to productivity will return.

Why am I sharing all this? Well I guess sometimes I think I’m the only one going through this internal (sometimes external) chaos but then I chat to someone and realize we are all the same. We are all going through the same ups and downs. We all have things we want to do, be it small like finishing a project or large like seeking the help we need to heal. We are all striving to do our best with what we have. All trying to feel better, happier and healthier each day. So, I thought today I’d be that someone to let you know I hear you and understand, maybe not the full picture of what you are experiencing but the struggle to journey through life in the direction you want while navigating the ‘potholes’ as they are encountered.

And while the discomfort of doing those little things which help you feel more productive, happier and healthier can be awkward, uncomfortable and even bloody hard at times in the end they will get you where you want to be so keep on going, don’t give up and always look ahead. Little steps will bet no steps every time.

Arohanui

Y

www.becominghealthy.co.nz

Secrets and Lies

My first thoughts on hearing this writing group topic were when is a secret really a secret and when is a lie really a lie?  How often do we withhold information from others because we don’t want them to think badly of us? Withholding stories because we don’t think others would be interested or maybe because we don’t want to acknowledge the truth behind the story?  Is that being discreet, thoughtless or having a secret?  How often do we tell ourselves stories about what we can and can’t do without any basis of truth?  When we tell someone they look good when really we’re thinking ‘why on earth are you wearing that?’ If someone tells us what we want to hear rather than the full story, is that being protective, tactful or telling a lie? Does the intention behind the act change it from something sinister into something benign or is it all up to the recipient to decide? 

^{We don't always have to fly solo; keeping things hidden from others}

I consider myself to have no secrets; no events that I intentionally withhold from others.  While I haven’t told everyone every story, if anyone asks and sometimes even when they don’t, I am willing to discuss any aspect of my life. Well, that’s what I tell myself anyway and what I aim to do.  Sometimes though, I have been in situations where after assessing the recipient I modify my truths or limit the information I give.  Knowing that ultimately the relationship would be better off for not sharing too much.  In the dictionary though the word ‘secret’ is defined as not known or seen or not meant to be known or seen by others. Something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others.  In which case it looks like I may be guilty as charged.  It would appear I have to admit that much of my inner life is a secret.  I definitely keep my insecurities to myself along with events which don’t paint my life in such a rosy light, justifying it as protecting those involved.  I often put on an act of bravado to give the impression that everything is fine while secretly crumbling inside. How many of us have things we’d rather not have known or seen about our inner lives? Most, if not all, I would imagine.

The dictionary also describes a lie as an intentionally false statement, used with reference to a situation involving deception or founded on a mistaken impression. Hmmm ….  Caught out again! It seems that while I consider myself to be a very honest person with others that may not really be the full picture with myself.  My tendency to ‘create’ a story as to why I can’t go through with things or haven’t got time to complete a task may just make me guilty of lying to myself or at the very least guilty of believing my own B*@! S^#+.

The interesting thing is that I can see this so clearly in others; this tendency to give very plausible reasons for not doing things, for not moving forward towards where they actually want to be. In reality, these reasons hold very little real truth. In others I can see through these excuses dressed up as reasons.  In myself though it is a much harder task.   I hear people tell me things while all the time I know they are keeping the real reasons they haven’t taken action secret and hidden away. Hidden from themselves that is.  

Even as I write this, I can hear that little voice (yes, she’s here again!) telling me that there are legitimate reasons for my actions or lack thereof.  Many things that have happened to me which I can use as plausible reasons (read excuses there) but ultimately it is a lie to say that I can’t do something because of my past. I’m still physically and mentally functional after all and even then, if I wasn’t would it be reason enough to hold me back?  Even Christopher Reeve regained some movement after being paralyzed, continued directing and went on to start foundations to support and help others.

I create stories which I try to rationalize as truths when in actual fact they no more hold me back that a piece of string on the floor. In reality all the ‘lies’, all the BS I feed myself, help to cover deep fears which I hold secret; fears of failure or maybe it is actually a fear of success.  A fear of putting myself into possibly vulnerable situations where people can see me ‘warts and all’. The truth is they have probably already seen my hidden ‘lies’ and ‘secrets’ just as I have seen them and theirs.  

This is being human though; the need to protect a part of us.  All of us do it, well everyone I’ve ever met, so it is completely normal in our society. We all want to feel we’re doing our best and so we rationalize and create reasons for when we feel we aren’t living up to our potential.  I think though that if we actually acknowledge what is going on instead of trying to hide it, we can come at things from a healthier perspective rather than berating ourselves or pretending we have it all sorted. 

It is OK to not take action and if you are honest about why then it can empower you. Acknowledging what is behind our actions can help lead to resolving issues.  In our society we attach morality to tasks when in reality most of the tasks we engage in are morally neutral. Our ability to do or not do for the most part doesn’t make any dent in our value as a person. It means we are human. Maybe in seeing those vulnerabilities, allowing the ‘lies’ and ‘secrets’ which all we share to come to the surface we may actually pave the way for us to connect at a deeper level. It may even allow for us to take the action we want with the knowledge that others are in the same situation, feeling just like we are.  We don’t always have to fly solo. When we’re honest about how we are feeling then others will feel able to be honest too. Creating a bond between us, a bond shared by humanity worldwide, a bond which levels us and allows for meaningful connections.

Arohanui

Y

www.becominghealthy.co.nz

Taking those little, scary steps…

Last week I decided to take a few of those little, scary steps towards making one of my dreams real.  It has been a heart-beating journey each day I can tell you!  I’m really good at keeping busy and getting through lists just not so good and bringing my gifts into the world with confidence.

I often get inspired and all enthusiastic while out running in the mornings only to find that by the time I have showered and begun the day’s chores all that energy has disappeared.  It is then that the doubts begin to creep in and remind me of all the reasons I shouldn’t do things!  Over the weekend though I decided to begin taking a few of those little, scary steps.  I have tapped a lot since then, procrastinated a lot, meditated a lot and had quite a bit of Bach Flower Remedies I can tell you!! However here I am about to share 🙂

I have had a dream – for the past 8 years actually – to be able to give big to a charity which works with women.  It all began with a book filled with quotes from parents giving advice to new mothers away from their support network and, with a few other books in between, has lead to me creating an e-course dedicated to helping busy Mamas create the lives they dream of by reducing stress, regaining balance and really giving time to themselves.

I’m really proud of my Magnificent Mamas e-course which  is a complete life coaching course and has everything in it busy Mamas need to can create fabulous, healthy and happy days while powerfully taking the reins of life. I have included lots of goodies and my big dream now is to sell 1000 copies of Magnificent Mamas e-course so that I can give a huge old donation to Women’s Refuge!!  Currently I’m working on converting it into an epub document so that I can sale in online bookstores and until then it is SALE time at Becoming Healthy 🙂

I have made Magnificent Mamas super cheap and discounted it by 75% so that is it now only $5. The reason?? Because I know that everything in it works and I really want to get it out there and share. You can also buy Magnificent Mamas (the PDF) on Lulu without the extras 🙂

It feels so big and scary!  In fact it terrifies me to put it out there and promote it however if I don’t then loads of women who need an affordable life coaching course they can do from home with miss out.  I would love your support and help to get the word out.  You don’t have to buy it for you …… it could be a fantastic gift for a loved one….. just sharing and passing the word on would be wonderful.

Hope this finds you Magnificent and taking your own little steps forward.

Arohanui

Y