The Challenge

This past week I set myself a challenge. A challenge which I haven’t done all that well with. My challenge? To quit complaining for a week. Sounds simple right? That’s what I thought too …. as I set my intention at the start of the week it all seemed straight forward enough but as the days went by the severity of my challenge began to stink in.

It has amazed me that in focusing on not moaning, complaining or bitching I now realise just how much I do! Sometimes I hear myself saying things as they come spilling out of my mouth without any real thought … that is how ingrained my habit is obviously. Admittedly not all of it is external, sometimes I catch the thought before it leaves my mouth, but it has become apparent that my days are scattered full of wee moments of complaint. They are short lived and fleeting to be sure but there never the less.

In the process of noticing my own moaning I have also become sharply aware of others comments and/or tone. I find myself constantly questioning ‘Is this complaining about something/someone or just explaining about a difficult situation?’ What can seem like a statement is easily turned into a moan with the tone used or a look given. Sometimes I even find myself complaining in a joking way ….. having a laugh and making it feel less of a complaint. Is this still complaining when I make light of an uncomfortable situation? It may get a laugh but at what cost to me and the other person involved?

The Stress Experts blog explains it this way …. ‘So, complaining is what you do when you are in a negative state/mood and you talk about negative things, hoping someone will join you in the swill you’re swimming in.’ When I look at it that way I tend to let myself off the hook a little. My complaining tends to be an offload without wanting anyone to ‘come swim in the swill with me’ though sometimes (if I’m being completely honest) that is kind of nice too! My intention usually isn’t to ‘get at anyone’ or moan incessantly. Ultimately my intention is to take more responsibility in my life and moaning about things is pretty much the opposite of that. Hence the challenge! As Bryon Katie says (and I’m paraphrasing here) there are three kinds of business; yours, theirs and the universe’s. You can’t do jack about two of them so may as well just focus on your own business and make the most of that. Complaining about the other two isn’t going to get me anywhere and while it can be hard to ‘leave’ some stuff alone, I always feel better when I do.

I haven’t completely stopped myself whinging, complaining or moaning and I’m not even sure if that is possible if I’m being honest but I am definitely catching myself more. Catching myself both internally with my thoughts and externally which is allowing me space to either stop or redirect the conversation more. The good thing is that in complaining less and looking for the positives more I am actually helping to reduce my stress and find more balance which is something all of us can benefit from. So I’m going to continue with it this week; practise makes perfect they say.

Hope this finds you happy, healthy and loving the life you’re in …. warts and all

Arohanui

Y

www.becominghealthy.co.nz

What are we really wanting ….

One of the most interesting things I have learnt since being on this journey of natural health, and in my time on this planet, is that ultimately we are all wanting and searching for similar things and often going through similar internal issues. Everyone wants to be valued. Everyone wants to feel that they belong. Everyone wants to be accepted just as they are. We are all connected so much more than we realize and yet we often only focus on the differences.

Image © iQoncept 

Sometimes in a bid to be seen, be valued and feel validated people jump on a bandwagon. They proclaim to uphold the rights of some but usually at the cost of others. Usually it is some of the most vulnerable and already attacked people in our communities who ‘wear’ this cost. In New Zealand we have seen just this over the past week and this has similarly been seen many times over around the world. It can be a fine line between rights activist and rights oppressor, between freedom of speech and hate speech, between fighting for your beliefs and being a terrorist but when you are stepping on others to make your point or harming others to get what you want the line has been crossed and the later applies in my opinion.

When I’m teaching Infant Massage one of the key aspects is asking permission. This has great positive outcomes as in asking permission to massage and listening to those cues babies feel they are valued enough to be listened to. If baby is upset we don’t continue with massage, instead we have a cuddle break and let them be. This simple act of asking, listening and responding sends a powerful message that they (the babies) are loved, valued and enough just the way they are. That they are worthy of being listened to. Many people have never had this conveyed to them. Never been told that they are worthy just as they are without the need to ‘perform’ or ‘achieve’. Never been told that there is enough love and adoration to go around. Never been told that there is no need to put others down in order to get that love or recognition. I think maybe if they had then they would see that it is ok to let others be themselves and in doing so it enhances the environment/community/world for all. If someone had really listened to what they were asking for they would feel differently about the world and the people in it. If there is no harm being done (and in the recent New Zealand issue there is no evidence to support the fear driven claims of harm being made) then why can’t people live their own lives, in their own way?

Many years ago I blogged about a challenge I set myself; a challenge to view others as wanting the same as me – love, kindness and acceptance. When I did this, regardless of how different their actions or words looked, and reacted to them as I would want to be treated I noticed a positive shift in my ‘world’. In viewing people’s actions as simply a cry of love, validation, acceptance and belonging, I could see beyond the outward crap and see what they were really saying, what they were really asking of me. Usually it was ‘Please’. Please see me. Please listen to me. Please value me. Please accept me. Please help me to feel I am enough. In viewing others actions or reactions in this way it changed (and continues to change) how I respond …. though sometimes a big breath is needed first to let go of my initial thoughts and reaction.

The great news is it is never too late to show someone they matter or that they are enough. Never to late to really listen.  Treating others with respect, giving them time and as much patience as I can not only enables me to feel better about things but I noticed even in the most difficult situations the other person became calmer and not as agitated. Remembering that in every interaction I have people they are basically either saying ‘Please’ or ‘Thank You’ makes me react very differently and makes me feel different; calmer and more connected.   It actually adds to my life in a good way rather than detracting from it and leaves me with a positive vibe that then flows into my day, improving it no end.

So I’m refreshing my efforts to continue this challenge and I’m encouraging you to too. It’s not any easy challenge, not by a long stretch but it is oh so rewarding. Just starting with your family or the shop assistant or work colleagues can open up a world of change. Change in how you feel. Change in how others feel and ultimately change in how we come together as a community. The trickle down effect of this challenge has the potential to snowball and I so hope it does.

Hope this finds you happy, healthy and truly knowing that you are enough. In fact you are more than enough 🙂

Arohanui

Y

We all want the same things really.

One of the most interesting things I have learnt since being on this journey of natural health, both in becoming more aware of my actions and while working with clients, is that ultimately we are all dealing with similar issues and wanting similar things.

It amazes me how often I hear people feeling the same as I am at the same time.  It never ceases to astound me that others share my fears and I am always left feeling that we are connected so much more than we realise.

Treating others how we want to feel can also benefit us.

I have begun a little challenge for myself and I thought I would share.  I’m trying to view others as if they were wanting the same as me, regardless of how different their actions or words may be, and reacting to them as I would want to be treated. Viewing them as wanting to be loved, wanting to be valued, wanting to be included and wanting to be happy.  Treating them with respect, giving them time and as much patience as I can.

I’m in the early stages of my challenge and it is hard to remember at times, yet when I do view others this way I suddenly feel very different.   It actually adds to my life in a good way rather than detracting from it and leaves me with a positive vibe that then flows into my day, improving it no end.

Hope this finds you happy and healthy

Arohanui

Y

But what if………

Sometimes life brings you all sorts opportunities to make choices, well actually life constantly brings you opportunities to make choices. Like right now ….. I have chosen to procrastinate while writing this by flicking to Youtube and listening to Postmodern Juke-box remakes!!  Anyway back to the blog 🙂

So many choices and decisions are made each day, from what to eat, which task to do first, where to live etc etc.  Amazingly though often our choices all come down to one of two questions….. What will I get? or What will I miss out on? It is that simple and usually it is the ‘what will I miss out on’ question which dominates.

Think about it every decision we make we weigh up our gains and losses.  When I de-clutter I often think “But what if I give this away and then really need it and so miss out?” or even “If I don’t have this I will miss out on having a reminder of…..” Even when I am deciding my ‘niche’ market I still think ‘…. but what if I miss out on other clients by only working with busy parents?’  With invites out I ponder ‘What if it is a really awesome event and I miss out on a great time’. I hardly ever think about the gains I would have with less clutter or ‘perfect’ clients or that maybe in staying at home I would gain time to pursue something that I really love 🙂

So here is my challenge, to myself and anyone else who has made it this far into my ramblings. For the next week try only focusing on what you can gain when you make your choices.  Think about all the benefits that will had from your decision, all the good things and all the positives. I don’t think it will be an easy task however I am hoping that it may just be a life-changing one!

Hope this finds you finding the benefits in everything you do.

Arohanui

Y