So as I mentioned in the last post we have been all over the place with things – namely our health. Much of the roller-coaster has been me adjusting to working a few nights a week doing reflexology and the flow on effects of that.
I have been a little stressed to say the least in stretching myself to have clients while juggling everything else. There has been a bit of guilt too over not being present of the family and at the same time there is also the question of ‘do I really want to do this?’ I love what I do, (reflexology and naturopathy) it is just the small sacrifices that need to be made in order to achieve my dreams. The rushed bed times, the juggling jobs, the watching the clock, the missing out on evening conversations and having my mind in yet another space. It seems that the idea of working in your business enough to get an income is quiet difference from the reality and how that reality impacts on the family!
End result? I lot of eating on my behalf to try and squash all the emotions swirling around and a lot of pent up stress which has flowed onto the family causing us all being a bit unwell and all over the place.
There is something to be said for ‘comfort’, it feels good and makes the world feel better. Not just the comforts of a home, loving family and friends or money but also the comfort of staying safe, secure and not extending too far. These last three can however often prove to be a double edged sword. While being safe should be about making good choices, weighing up options and thinking things through before moving ahead, for me it often is about eating. Somewhere in my subconscious I have equated food with comfort, security and safety. Somewhere in my subconscious I have equated moving ahead as a risky business, far too risky to do without a lot of food or other stimulants and there in lays the double edged sword and I know I’m not alone.
I understand that my sub conscious thinks it is doing me a favour, honestly I do, it is just that it is kind of exhausting. Thankfully I have left many of my vices behind me so the food I scoff is relatively healthy and thankfully I am now aware, yay EFT and Bach Flowers :), of what I am doing. With moving forward with the business and actually having clients I have been slipping back into bad habits and searching the cupboards a lot more than usual in a bid to feel a little safer! The thing I notice, now that I am aware of my actions, is that these ‘sub-conscious safely’ habits of mine end much faster than they used to and also that I am much more aware of the unwanted after effects.
In being more aware of my actions I realise that they are exactly that, ‘actions’, not ‘me all the time’ just the actions I take when I am stressed. I don’t know if I will ever rid myself of them and sometimes I wonder if I ever should, I mean they are part of my safety check after all and we all need a safety check of sorts. When I begin to search the cupboards now though I know something is up and that I am at the outer limits of my comfort zone. It allows me to take a step back, not from the cupboard always 🙂 , and think about what is happening.
So maybe from now on I will be a bit kinder to myself and my vices and realise they are trying to convey a message to me rather than sabotage my life. Maybe in being a little kinder to them they will be a little kinder to me in visiting less frequently.
Hope this finds you exploring your own safety measures a little less harshly and resting easy with them.